Tiss the thirtyfirst. Time for prognostications. All things come from a vision. Here are the events foretold for 2009.
1. There will be a major earthquake in Asia.
2. There will be a bloody conflict in the Middle East.
3. A noted Hollywood actor will enter a drug rehab.
4. The President of the United States will acquire a dog.
5. Canada will have an idiot for Prime Minister.
6. The price of oil will change.
7. In July, the southern military base of the US empire, McMurdo Station, will be struck by low temperatures near -40ºC.
8. A meteor will fall into earth's atmosphere.
These are but a few of the visions over the past few days.
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Additional wiseass predictions, also from The Peanut Gallery:
9. Blogs and social networking sites have peaked and will decline, replaced by something else but leaving dead, abandoned web pages, scattered all over the Internet like rotting carrion.
10. Someone will come up with a new search engine and try to compete with Google. Google will crush them like a bug and continue to claim Google does no evil, even as they feed more Chinese dissidents to Chinese state security. More Chinese families will pay for bullets.
11. Microsoft will lurch around like a drunken sailor, trying and failing to find new ways to corner the market on money.
12. Someone will finally figure out 'cloud computing' is just dumb terminals attached to a mainframe and all the idiotic hoopla and deceptive sales pitches will finally cease.
13. Microsoft will be forced to release software patches to plug gaping security holes in Windoze.
14. Apple will release some slick gimmick and all the Apple fanboys and fangirls will have prolonged, intense, multiple orgasms.
15. The National Security Agency in the U.S. will finally admit Windoze is actually nothing more than a gigantic rootkit, controlled by unnamed agencies of the U.S. government and various, unnamed Corporations.
16. A meteor will NOT fall onto my head.
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