Hole-eee. Its done. A full pizza at the moment. I am still hungry. Me smart. I can type and chew same time.
Went through two full days without, a coffee...rrrr.. Kmart. Went through a downthepizzachutescopy and an upmefuckinassscopy.
Didn't have much to do. Had to consume a disgusting liquid laxative product from Ireland to produce an emptying flow of shit. There is cultural irony somewhere in there.
Couldn't eat for a couple of days. Wasn't much to do. So I made up appropriate comments on this compooputer.
1. My shit don't smell. I don't have any.
2. God I was so frightened I was shitless scared.
3. I'm not pooped yet, Doc!
4. I love my toilet but my toilet don't like me.
5. I had to run like hell to get here.
The only real charm about this procedure is that in order to insert the probe the medpros had to insert here..., air. According to the nurse, 4 litres of air.
Wheeled into the recovery area with all the other probedees, I could fart, and fart, and fart. Let go some beauts. No stink farts though. Lost a few points on the last one. A smelly fart is the cherry on the cupcake.
The result... One benign polyp got removed. It didn't even bleed much. Otherwise, as perfect looking a poop machine as there ever was. In the words of the medpro. “Look at those arches!”
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update
A colleague emailed me this am. To hide the identity I will be gender neutral. It wondered about whether or not they found my brain? Lucky sod.
Ans. Yes...
It was the polyp they removed. It was nerve material. IQ improved by 66 points.
1 comment:
Hey, you're really scoped now, Gord!
Can you still claim to be a virgin after the lower, upwards portion of this scoping procedure?
You certainly make it sound like a barrel of gas laughs but I think I'll pass anyway, at least until my doctor tells me it's mandatory.
By the way, congrats on the IQ improvement! There's hope yet. Now you only need four more points to reach Borderline. :-)
(Har! Sometimes, I just crack myself up!)
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