Inordinate caché bellows above the line of passable toleration. Ears are smoking with the oft greeting of every Torontonian, “Ohhh its so cold eh!”
No it isn’t. It went down to –17ºC last night and early, early this morning. This is only down to “0” on the old temperature scale of “F”.
To make it really sound good, denizens of this city use something called the wind chill to make it sound even better. The breeze brisked this obscurely calculated number down to –36ºC. This sounds good but to get the full effect one must be standing on a football field, starkers.
To avoid an avalanche, stay out of the mountains. To avoid wind chill, stay out of the wind.
And the complaints were everywhere. Onto the subway cars, which are comfortably warmer than the surface and people sit sweating like stilted sponges. It may be cold to them, so they are all bundled up. Parents nag all their snot monsters in CWT (Canada Without Toronto) to unzip and loosen the winter gear indoors or in warm areas.
Its easy to tell a Torontonian in the winter. They can wear a parka, scarf, toques and mitts in a Tomato hothouse and still complain about the cold outside.
Experienced Canadians from CWT sit with perplexed look and their coats unzipped and toques stowed in pockets. Like its even warm outside to them.
Two weeks past, Prairie Canada experienced minus thirty four Celsius (-34ºC) but that came as a daytime high time temperature unaccompanied by wind chill hyperbole. Of course the Toronto newscast media brains tacked it on.
Worst of all, worst of all is that every news outlet seeks to find a lower exaggeration as a way to promote advertising, gain listeners. CityTV is the worst of the lot, followed by CTV. Of course the CBC advances a full explanation of the meteorological event so while ones body numbs to the cold, the CBC numbs the mind.
And what really hurts is that I can't afford earplugs.
Note to all CWT visitors to Toronto. Please bring your own hearing protection.
1 comment:
What a strange place you live, Gord, scoured by howling white monsoons, people who know better confused by this glittering season.
In CWT we wake up in the morning with the assumption it's -20C actual outside. That's snow machine weather! Warmer is a bonus and cooler is just a warning.
When we get to -30C actual, we start to notice the cold and we know it's time to start thinking about how best to protect ourselves.
When -40C actual hits, Gaea finally has our full attention.
It's difficult not to spew coffee out your nose when the Toronto stations declare an 'alert' at -20C. In truth, I expect that's only valid for the people of the streets.
For the subterranean troglodytes of the subway system, sweltering in the stinking wet heat and worried about that five minute walk from the station to the heated, air conditioned building I say, "HA HA!" (Nelson Muntz).
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